3rd Guide On Surviving Childhood Domestic Violence In Adult Life — Taming The Rage Within
I found something odd that every time I wake up it feels immediately tired, always like that every day. Isn’t it something…then several years later I discover that this condition is a symptom of depression?
Being a survivor of childhood domestic violence is not easy. I think I don’t know about happiness that well. You remember how your parents fight, what terrible things they did to you, and sort of things. I know you want to be free from all of these.
This trauma makes my life lonely, I never really talk about this kind of stuff with your friend, even the closest one. As if I am fighting alone in a dark path, like a fighter in the night, but no matter how long I hold on, these things never end.
The good thing is it’s over for me six years ago. Well, I still have to deal with some things like how this pandemic hit hard on my income but I get the feeling it will be better soon. Anyway in this article I would like to share how I got out from PTSD and depression that were caused by my past childhood domestic violence.
In this writing I would like to address specifically ab
out how to tame the rage within yourself, this will help you a lot.
The Trait Of An Aggressive Person
With all that happened during my childhood, it is not weird that I become an aggressive person, I probably shouldn’t have said this (I hope my next employer doesn’t see this post hahaha), but yeah I easily piss off and get mad.
Well, but if you think about that, it makes sense, how somebody who had a bad life can become nice to everybody and be patient with whatever things that piss him off, there is no such person. That is the truth.
It’s not mean that I’m not nice but rather how having such a bad life will make a person easy to ignite, like dry peat that’s easy to burn.
But there is a way to control your act and anger. For me, it is learning martial arts.
How Martial Arts Will Help You To Control Your Rage
It feels counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But I think this is the best thing you can do to control your rage. How?
I believe every martial out there is a form of a weapon, doesn’t matter what martial arts you learn, it could be Judo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Karate, Silat, and so on and when you hone this discipline, you will be careful when you decide to use it.
I learn a traditional Sundanese Silat named Gerak Sakadaekna (Up To You Movement, weird translation right…). This is a silat that has some mix of grappling and wrestling. I have been learning this for almost 3 years. I’m still practicing now to hone this discipline.
If you learn martial arts you will know that other people are a lot better than you in this discipline, you don’t want to piss them off. Secondly, you gain more confidence in handling conflict at the fistfight level.
In the beginning, the rage within me has not quelled yet but I am much more careful when deciding to fight with somebody.
I mean, this silat is a weapon that I honed and I am still pretty much an angry person. But I also don’t want any trouble because I decide to fight a random person that pisses me off.
Let’s just say I just wanna punch him in the face but it turns out I broke his jaw, then I will be having troubles with the police. By the way, there was a case several months ago in Jakarta, when an angry person decided to punch his neighbor because her dogs took a dump in front of his house (which she cleaned), and the neighbor is dead.
You have to control your anger but more importantly, is your act!
Today I’m more reserved in my judgment, I’m still easily angry but I won’t act rashly.
This is partly because I know I can handle things when the other person decides to fight me (with this Silat I can choose to make him fall or lock his body on the ground). The second benefit of learning and honing martial arts will boost your confidence.
But the thing is, being more careful in your act doesn’t solve your problem.
A Lone Path Of The Fighter In The Night
After the laugh in the gym after your martial arts practice and you are in your home alone, that feeling may creep back in.
The Thing that hurt me the most because of domestic violence in my childhood is my inability to speak of this matter to other people. Not even my best friend.
Somehow I felt alone, living a lonely life.
Having domestic violence in your childhood feels like there’s been a scandal in your life that you can tell others. It is like telling them that your parents do not want you. Do you how fucked up that is?
Now I can tell you all of this because the pain is gone, the memory is there but the pain is gone.
In my second post, I told you that you have to detach yourself from the feeling of loving your parents, somehow you have to make it less.
For me back then this lonely path, the way of life it is. But I hope by writing this down you don’t have to feel that loneliness anymore.
Understand Life and Love
There are no mistakes life is just not kind all the time, you experience that and you will agree with me.
When you try to love something less, you have to find something to love more and this will be your quest to be free from the shackles of the past.
Remember this, that if you seek it you will find it.
We cannot live without love, the meaning of your life comes from love. In every change in how you see life, there’s a change in how you see love.
So, I hope this writing will lead you to understand what to find next to be free.
This is a third series of Surviving Childhood Domestic Violence As An Adult. Read the earlier writing:
Author Note: If you found this article helpful please consider following me, this is my third English article your feedback will be valuable to improve my writing, and if you have a question just ask. Thanks, see you in the next writing.
